Sometimes it really does seem like Hollywood is out to ruin everything I have ever held dear. I know that's a bit of an overstatement, but every time a piece of news like this crosses my path, I can't help but take it personally. The Hollywood Reporter announced that MGM is developing a musical version of the 1983 romantic comedy, Valley Girl. If you haven't seen the original, then get thee to a Blockbuster because it's pretty damn awesome.

Valley Girl was directed by Martha Coolidge and starred Deborah Foreman and Nicolas Cage as a pair of star-crossed lovers in the San Fernando Valley. Besides being one of the better teen movies to come out of the '80s, Valley Girl also had one of the best soundtracks around. According to THR, MGM is planning on combining the "Romeo and Juliet-style narrative of the original into a musical colored by re-imagined classic '80s tunes." So I guess it just gets worse, because I am not looking forward to a 're-imagined' Melt with You.

The Valley Girl update is just the latest in a series of remakes announced by MGM as they raid their back catalog for anything they can get their hands on. Considering MGM was home of the musical for many years, I understand that it makes sense to carry on the tradition, but why did they have to pick on Valley Girl?

So in honor of all things valley, I'll give my review a little prematurely: Gag me with a spoon.

Hi. I like movies by Alex Proyas. Everyone likes Dark City and The Crow, but I like I, Robot, too. Is it a visionary masterpiece like Dark City? It is not. But in 2004, it was the most seamlessly beautiful f/x spectacle I had ever seen. If there's one thing Proyas can do, it's make one hell of a great-looking movie.

By the look of the trailer that debuted at IGN yesterday, Knowing, Proyas's new sci-fi project with Nicolas Cage, will be along the conventional, expensive lines of I, Robot rather than his earlier work. The plot seems like a less-than-promising mix of Next and The Number 23, and Cage looks like he'd rather be somewhere else. But, uh... it sure looks great. And the thing that happens about a minute-and-a-half in convinces me that everything they said after September 11th about what we will and will not be able to consider entertainment from here on out has gone completely out the window. Which is just as well.

Despite my affinity for all things Proyas, I'll take yesterday's genuinely creepy trailer for The Day the Earth Stood Still over this one. But at least we have some non-comic-book sci-fi to look forward to.

Werner Herzog's Bad Lieutenant cast just became a whole lot crazier. Variety is reporting that Val Kilmer and Xzibit are joining Nicolas Cage and Eva Mendes in the much-maligned remake / re-imagining / re-something of Abel Ferrara's cult classic.

Kilmer will be playing Cage's police partner, presumably the straight arrow to complement Cage's cop-on-the-edge. This comes right on the heels of Kilmer being cast in Silver Cord, so I think it's safe to say someone's trying to make a comeback. (Am I the only one who laments the passing of years, and what it has done to one of my biggest crushes? Has it really been so long since The Saint?)

Xzibit, fresh off The X-Files: I Want to Believe, will be playing their nemesis, Big Fade.
Remember, folks, it's a re-imagining, which is why you don't remember any of these characters from the original.

If there aren't shockingly hilarious tales of egos and fistfights from the Lieutenant set, I'll be among the bitterly disappointed. While I suspect Kilmer has chilled with the passing of years, I'm thinking that combining him with Herzog is bound to be tempestuous. Is it too much to ask that Herzog just goes even further, and hires Sean Young and Gary Busey? Perhaps even Mike Myers? Throw the script out the window, and just film the production. I think it would be far more fun than any re-imagining.

Just when you thought Astro Boy was never going to make it to the big screen, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We have received the official press release from Imagi Studios and Summit Entertainment (who are partnering for the flick) with the full cast for the anime update. Imagi finally found their lead in Freddie Highmore back in February and they have announced that joining Highmore in the cast are Nicolas Cage, Bill Nighy, Nathan Lane, and Eugene Levy. There is no word yet on which characters from the original series will be making an appearance, but I could definitely see Lane doing a respectable job as Hamegg.

Astro Boy is the story of a boy robot looking for love and acceptance after being abandoned by his creator. After a Pinocchio-like journey of servitude in a circus, Astro was whisked off to safety by the understanding Professor Ochanomizu. Of course, Astro also spent his time battling mad scientists and out of control robots in between bouts of abandonment issues.

I'm not sure what to think of this Bad Lieutenant remake (or re-imagining) since the first one was so ridiculously off the charts that when news first broke about a re-do, most folks gave a look like they just stepped on a cockroach and the thing was still squirming around all half-squashed and whatnot. Translation: "Yuck ... really? They're remaking THAT film?" Nevertheless, if anyone can make this sucker shine, it's Werner Herzog, and Variety now tells us that Eva Mendes is eying a role opposite the already-cast Nicolas Cage.

Apparently they're straying quite a bit from the original, so all we know at this point is that Cage will play a corrupt cop who likes to play dirty. In the original, Harvey Keitel starred as a corrupt cop investigating a nun's rape, though there's no word on whether that storyline will remain in this new version. If so, will Mendes play the nun (originally played by Frankie Thorn)? Mendes and Cage last worked together on Ghost Rider, which I haven't seen, so I can't comment on their chemistry. However, I've been waiting to see Mendes get a little nutty on screen since she usually plays it safe. This should be an interesting one to watch, whaddya think?

I'm not sure what they're putting in the water over in Cannes, but some pretty wild deals are beginning to emerge from that fest in France. Only a day after Werner Herzog signed to direct Nicolas Cage in a remake of Bad Lieutenant comes word from The Hollywood Reporter that Herzog and David Lynch have teamed up on a film called My Son; a murder drama to be tentatively shot next March. Based on a true story, My Son will tell of a "San Diego man who acts out a Sophocles play in his mind and kills his mother with a sword." HR says the film will jump between the murder scene and this disturbed man's story. Nice family film from two completely sane directors.

Additionally, and this shouldn't come as a surprise (considering the two guys we're talking about), My Son will be shot guerrilla-style with digital video. Herzog, who co-wrote My Son with Herbert Golder, will first shoot Bad Lieutenant in July before directing the Victorian-era drama The Piano Tuner for Focus Features. One can only imagine what the finished product will look like when you've got Herzog and Lynch working together on the same movie -- especially one with a nutty storyline like this one. Not for nothing, but I think I'd rather watch the documentary of them making this film rather than the film itself. You?

As soon as this story hit, I had to check to make sure a) it wasn't April 1st, and b) we all still lived on the planet Earth. Yes, I'm not kidding about this one -- The Hollywood Reporter tells us that Werner Herzog is remaking Abel Ferrara's gritty, NC-17-rated cult classic,Bad Lieutenant, and none other than Nicolas Cage is going to star. Nic Cage! Werner Herzog! Am I the only one who's completely blown away by this bizarre news? (Though, to be fair, we did kinda see this coming ...)

Cage will take on the role originally played by Harvey Keitel; he'll slip into the part of a drug and sex-addicted corrupt cop, though there's no word on how far they'll take this version of the film. However, exec producer Avi Lerner did promise this new take will "deliver as much filth as the original." Wonderful! We'll look forward to it Avi! Nu Image/Millennium Films will finance, with Pressman Film Corp. producing. When asked about his opinion on this new project, Cinematical snark expert Scott Weinberg said "Awesome, let's hope it's as funny as his last remake. The Wicker Man as a comedy ... brilliant!" (Oh man, this is such a nasty, nasty film.)

Okay, now it's your turn: I know you folks are dying to sound off on this one below ...

Wait a sec, strike that -- this is actually real. Surfing the net today, I came across a page housing several commercials starring some of your favorite celebs. Oh yes, when their summer home in Tuscany needs a new kitchen or bathroom, odds are you'll spot a high profile celeb or two appearing in a random ad for, say, cosmetics or faster internet or ... whatever it is Nicolas Cage is singing about in the video above.

I'm not sure what he's selling here -- from what I understand, there are several Japanese companies named Sankyo; ranging from pharmaceuticals (Sankyo Pharma) to flutes (Sankyo Flute Company). It would be odd if Cage was selling flutes and playing a piano in the commercial, but I wouldn't put anything past them nutty Japanese. Check out a ton more commercials over here, and let us know if you have a favorite foreign commercial starring a popular American actor or actress. (Personally, this one will always be my favorite!!!)

[via IMDb]

In the original Bangkok Dangerous, the main character (an assassin) was deaf-mute. A very interesting angle for a killer, and one that would've made for good conversations had that aspect of the film made its way into the English-language remake. Ah, but it's not to be. I mean, could you imagine hiring Nicolas Cage for a film and then giving him no lines? Seriously -- the guy overacts as it is; what in the world would it look like if Cage had to tell us everything through facial expressions? There's a chance the dude's cheeks would literally explode on camera.

But anyway, above you will find the trailer for Bangkok Dangerous; a remake of the 1999 Pang Brothers film, directed by the boys behind the original. Here, Cage plays an assassin who travels to Thailand to kill a bunch of people, but falls for a local Thai girl in the process. Cue feelings of regret ... yada yada. For those who saw the original, how do you feel about them removing such a crucial part for the remake?

Bangkok Dangerous hits theaters on August 22.

Twenty-one years ago, Francis Ford Coppola made Peggy Sue Got Married. It was a strange fantasy comedy, one that scored itself some Oscar nominations and starred Kathleen Turner and Coppola's nephew, Nicolas Cage. There's already been talk of how Cage was difficult on set. The actor himself admitted last year to Conan O'Brien that he based Charlie's strange and distracting voice on Gumby, and how his uncle and the studio almost fired him over it.

Now there's more word about his behavior during that production, and he's really not happy with it. In her upcoming book, Send Yourself Roses, Turner discusses her time with Cage during the film, and while the book has yet to hit shelves, the BBC reports that a "defamation, libel, and slander" case has been filed by Nicolas in London's High Court. What has got him so worked up, especially since he already admitted to being difficult?

According to The Daily Mail (via American Superstar), she wrote that Cage was "absolutely determined to prove that he wasn't there as the result of nepotism." And followed it up with: "Oh, that stupid voice of his and the fake teeth! Honestly, I cringe to think about it. He caused so many problems. He was arrested twice for drunk-driving and, I think, once for stealing a dog. He'd come across a chihuahua he liked and stuck it in his jacket."

So -- was he just a bratty and difficult nephew on set, or was he some wacko who stole chihuahuas? Who knows? It still sounds entertaining. Turner's book is scheduled to hit shelves this month, and also features dirt on Burt Reynolds and Christie Brinkley (the latter of which sounds like Spider-Man, without crime-fighting as an excuse for no-shows).